this week:
2.
two.
the number of times I've looked up.
0.
zero.
the number of shooting stars.
1. Crying on the grass for the allotted 1 minute I gave myself
2. “Wow the stars look so beautiful” -Her
These past weeks have been hard. In every form and way I feel exhaustion. I went to bed sad, stressing about Kate and B and knowing how to be better/more for them. Mixed with the nightly ordeal of stress sleeping as I review studied anatomy terms in my dreams. And I remember all the sudden we were in your car. You were driving and then you were in the back sitting right next to me, eyes on me. And you hugged me. It felt so real and just like how it use to. And you pulled me closer and tighter and I just remember feeling for the moment safe and calm. I missed a friend, and He knew it needed to be that particular one. And only in the form of a dream could it happen. It felt that real and memorable on purpose.
So yes I believe in fate. And that it naturally occurs in November. Even in forms of stars or dreams, it occurs.
Tonight I remembered the swings. And how I wrote it in my journal. I opened up and not surprisingly as I randomly flipped through, your name began to be on every page. I got caught up reading at a particular story. As I continued on it talked of that night when you asked me what I would of said. And what you said. “Just promise me you won’t cry when this does end.”
That was a good place to stop. I actually do try for you. It’s the weirdest feeling. It’s how I believe you loved me. I couldn’t make it to the swings, maybe another day. I haven’t wrote in their in the longest time.
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