A month early

I turned on the radio just so I could still feel close to you
It wasn't the same and the song didn't help

I'm afraid that's how this is going to feel

Waking up felt like a foggy dream
A twisted stomach and not going back to sleep

I'm afraid that's how this is going to be

The idea of losing you kinda feels like a mean joke

I'm really afraid that's the word that's gonna keep occurring in my head
A joke
At least till it really hits

Only thing that makes it better is knowing perhaps you can progress now with a greater happiness and more at peace
I hope that for myself as well. I can do that.

I try to avoid the tattoo and glue thoughts
The stuff that I'm afraid is going to stick and be painted on me
Like words you said in regards to me
Vs regards to us
Like how it felt when you kissed me cause words made us feel lost and finding lips made us lose that feeling

At least for just for a little while
Cause pulling back meant pulling away

I'm afraid of the thoughts of trying to make sense of it
Cause you felt like home but I trust you most
Instinct, gut, feeling, thoughts, all.

I loved you
And I'm afraid of the process forcing that in the past tense