I picture reds, oranges, and pinks

Just wanting to feel like I can take a break with the swimming.
Not that if I do I'll sink.
But that I'll be able to float on my back, look up at the sky and feel alive.

Just wanting to.

exquisite

It's something exquisite feeling the sun and the wind and the peace and the smile that follows.
that feeling after experiencing something so sad and troubling that you just couldn't quite see an end.
but
there's always an end to the sorrow.
always.

And after the sad you're able to look back and see what you're made of.
what you defeated.

What you fight everyday for
and that's confidence and contentment within yourself.

That is the whole goal.
Relationships, sports, hobbies, jobs, goals
It's all to shape you into you. Let you learn and be taught what challenges you. Let you be shown what you're made of.

It's something exquisite to experience the learning through the struggles. The triumphs over the deep pits. To know that every word and thought and emotion you have is what you are. So stop being ashamed. Particles of the universe fill your mind and body and soul and yet we question our worth, our strength, our beauty.

I've come a long ways. Still young, still experiencing, still feeling, still struggling, still learning. But that's what keeps me going is the excitement to learn through experiences that I can look back at and call exquisite. To look back at myself and be proud of how well I accomplished it.

This year I learned how to love. How to go completely head first deep down in the atmosphere of insecurity and vulnerability. And once you've allowed your head to go down under, there's little room for air and trying to catch your breath is something you figure out along the way.

I learned how to be brave. Even if just for a few moments. Several times. It taught me when we decide to step out of this small box we create or our comfort zone we come to truly live life. We break away from the schedules and routines and we feel
alive.

I learned how to be someone who is capable of loving someone and someone who was capable of being loved.
It's been one of my greatest lessons.

But I've also come to learn to gracefully let go of some things. I work on faithfully not fearfully moving forward.
A lesson that having faith in God assures you that something better is always waiting just ahead. He's preparing you for something. Always.

So hold on.
stop and feel things.
see the exquisite beauty in yourself and your surroundings during your lessons and experiences.

God is an artist. We see that when we watch a sunset or look at our mothers eyes. We must believe that Gods creations are beautiful and he knows every detail of which he purposely placed. 

The plans he created for you, the mountains he created to be close to you, the friends he created to be there for you, and the body/spirit he created you to have.

One day we shall see truly what we're all made of and we shall look at God in awe for his knowledge and love. And one day when we are capable of we will see a type of sun shown within us in this life each time we decided to 

hope and smile.

Because that's what belief in God brings.

Let us be

I will not be ashamed of my feelings/emotions. 

It's my heart. My life. 

It's all real and raw 

And that makes it beautiful.

Inspiration for the strength of tomorrow's

But if not on July 2

Time seems to be flying by quicker now. But oh how much I miss you it seems to make the time feel not fast enough even still. 

I've been thinking about saying goodbye to you, saying hello again to you..which ones more terrifying to me. I'll know soon what you want. And that's a 50/50 shot. It's just a fear.

I worry to reach out each time I think to.  If you don't want me, I don't want you to feel pain or sadness as though you have to break my heart again. Because I know that's just how you'd feel. I want things to be happy and good for you. 

And I suppose if that's not something I can make you

or be for you, 

           it's ok. 

It'll be ok.