PM

most nights its headaches

the constant endless thoughts of when this will pass

when this loneliness will be filled

what can I do more 

most nights its darkness

everything's silent

and I eventually don't have to feel or think 

favorite goodbyes are to each day after my head hits the pillow.

cause I'm closer to time healing

most nights its faking it 

for myself

for you

for her

whatever it takes to make it all better even just for a few seconds

but 

I'm just not there

it told me to feel the emptiness but the fight has only consumed me in it
Tell me how to pray harder for the how

Need you to know

May 27th + a day 

One year. I love you all.

Greater than I did last year 

and 

That was more than I thought I was capable of with what I endured through.

But joyfully endured because of you.  I know I'll say this again next year too though.

For me, you're my sisters I never got but always wanted. You're my spirits that no matter how large the universe is I know I'll always know where to find you. Find a feeling of home with each of you. Time and change is non-existent in that fact for me. Because you knew. You cried. You laughed. You loved. You carried.

For 

So 

Long

         And 

More

Than 

I 

Ever

Thought 

I 

Needed

You 

To

I don't doubt we found each other in the pre mortal life and promised we'd find each other when we came to Earth. Be there for each other and help us all make it through 

Together. 

And that's a strong statement to stand by.

But I learned long ago God knows what we are in need of, he wants us to be happy.

I need each of you. You're my happy.

God gave us each other.

And when we get on the other side I know we'll race to find each other. Throw our arms around each other in joyful tears saying thank you. Your impact was truly eternal. Because we're here.  

And that's what makes life so worth it and great. Is picturing that image and those words said with all those faces we come to remember that we knew and loved here, now.

                    So here's to you. 

            Some of my eternal friends.

Fragile hearts being carried along

I believe that sometimes we go through things to benefit someone in particular. To help them. To offer light. Support. Love. 

and by doing that we ourselves benefit. We learn. We see. We know. We feel. 

And it makes hard things worth it. 

Even though it's hard, there's blessings within the tradgedy I at times feel. And I know I'm not alone. 

I've been blessed to have those blessings typically be great friendships.

You connect despite different situations. And it's because you're aware. Just every tear and laugh mean so much more and you feel them. 

And I'm grateful for that. It makes things feel real. 

And alive.

Even if you feel like the sharp glass is unavoidably always catching your feet with each step while running toward solid ground. 

You're moving. And you're doing a lot better than you think. A lot. 

Your strength and faith and hope it's inspiring. 

For those around you and most certainly should be for yourself. 

When it feels God is taking something away or you're losing something.. Those are the times I pray to know he only ever takes things away to replace them with greater things that are in store for you and the timing is

is

now. 

And that's okay. This is all planned out for you. Goodbyes will never last forever, a hello always follows. Always. Hope confidently in that. 

Something better for you that is full of a different kind of happiness you've ever experienced

it's waiting just ahead. 

So just hold on. Be aware of the hearts around you. 

We're all fragile. Be someone who helps carry a heavy heart and you'll find others along the journey who will help carry yours. And that's friendship. And God will always give you somebody to call your friend in any place or situation. 

I hope it testifies of Gods great love for you for blessing you with certain people. And let you see a little more clear of what Christ is doing daily to help you know you're never alone. And that he knows and 

               he felt

you can do this.

There's always beauty even in tragedy or struggling times. Just have the courage to seek it and you'll be given the faith needed to truly see it.