7 and 8 and 78

7 ways I've thought of how to speak to your heart. 

8 ways I've thought of how I'd end up breaking it because of mine.

So I guess I need a little extra heart to go along with mine. Cause it feels like a broken puzzle, scattered over this universe I'm lookin up at. Wondering which star I need to wish on for you to show. Hands held. Car drives. Bright sunset. Eyes and lips and ears and hearts. 

Scattered over the whole sky. 

I

I 

I 

I don't know. I mean I don't remember. I mean uh I'm sorry. 

I'm 

inexperienced. 

If you can show me you trust me with that heart of yours 

Well I'll make sure I find 78 ways of how to make it beat.

Why I prefer sunsets

I liked the way the earth always had a grand finale to end a day. Bad or good day.

It decided it always wanted to end feeling and sitting on "comfortable & well."

I like the way the sky bursts into a million shades of colors no artist could ever create or see from a color wheel. And life just suprised you with how beautiful it can become 

And end 

In a matter of minutes. 

I like the way the colors make you feel engergized and vibrant and 

Alive. 

It reminds me of how quickly life can turn bright to dark and how one will always be following another and it's no use chasing one away or begging one to stay. 

Because they're just two broken hearts trying to become one. 

And I'll say I believe that's the process of love. 

So I'd get out on my roof sitting and waiting and watching to see the "chasing" every night. And when it came to an end and everything bright faded ever so slightly to a darker sky. 

That's when you'd get to see it

just a quick glimpse of how the sun and moon get to see each other and for a period of time share the sky. The thing they ruled over most 

      shared

and even though the moon overpowered the sun eventually and the sun overpowered the moon eventually. For that "once-a-every-day-split-second- glance" they share the light. 

And maybe one day when they've had enough practice they'll rule the sky together 

forever 

in a light you never thought you'd see. 

nostalgic

Never knew a 4x4 square could hold so much meaning. So much memory. 

Twinking lights and sappy songs on a rainy day and it just sets the mood for nostalgia. 

Can't help placing myself back into each memory. Good friends. Good family. Good good times.

  And I wanna be back there. 

I fear the things that lay ahead can not possibly be as good as they had been. 

Although I never knew back before then that life would be so joyful even throughout the many downs life brought. And life's been a struggle and continues to be, of course, but that's why we're here. Looking at you, her, him, we , us... I smile knowing I had what I did. 

And I was lucky. 

I know what lays ahead will still bring memories and I'll have more 4x4's to get all sentimental over. 

And I just wanna be able to look back and say I was luckier than I ever thought I'd be. 

And so I guess it's just that I won't ever be in those specific times or with those specific people again. It was a one time experience. It's hard for me to accept.

And that's why I love pictures. They bring magic in an ordinary place, it freezes time

      even just for a second. 

And looking at them, you can go back to that memory whenever you desire. So it may not be the same as being there when you first created the memory. But at least it's there to remind you of the memory. Now we just get to cherish them. And make more. 

And I suppose that's what life's about. 

Fitting your heart and soul into as many 4x4 as you can. 

Present time

Feet hitting the ground sinking into every crack. Head hanging so low able to see straight into the core of the earth. 

We got things that bring us down 

But I can only blame myself as I never thought to look up.

It all takes time

We don't find the happy life.

We create the happy life.

Positivity motivation inspiration 

Find & love the detail of the small things. 

Look at the life and the things you do have; not the future "one day" life you are dreaming of constantly. Focus on what you have at this moment, make do with that and look for the blessings within it. 

Count your many blessings appreciate life day by day as you are given it. 

#myhappycreated

Waiting for wings

You saw. 

You stared.

You recognized.

You

You had to wonder

Had to remember 

Had to 

Had to miss..

Pictures of her and my lungs cut open 

Free bird. 

(no title)

Last night I saw you

again

getting very tired of those dreams and you and the never possible idea of us.

Maybe I miss you            

Maybe I miss the attention

either way your presence is wanted. And I'm not caring that that comes off as selfish

You know all to well how to drop hearts and hands and hopes.

At least with me you do, oh how you've had a million experiences. 

                                  And that's selfish.

Because I was there every time waiting for you. And when I saw you again last night...You were walking away. You picked me up from right where we left off. Swept off my feet with no thought to hold onto my heart reaching closer to the moon and stars within a matter of skipped heartbeats. 

Then all I saw was you walking away. You didn't say goodbye.

    you didn't even look back.

And nothing seemed to be a more familiar sight.

It is what's best. I'd prefer to not see those eyes anymore. I feel stupid when reminded of them.

And everything reminds me of them.

They're all the 4 oceans put together making a blue so great you'd never predict they were always in high tide. 

gray skies.

endless rain.

dangerous winds. 

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

I heard the storm warning beforehand but I guess I wanted to experience the waves...

So a lot of this is my fault because I chose to dive in.

And you taught me a lot about "everydays"

I couldn't help but wonder what version I was going to get of you each day.

I learned quickly to appreciate the sunlight over the rain. But one always seemed to follow another in a cycle going so fast it just ended up in a downward spiral.

But there you were again. 

Messy hair and eyes from the storm

Again, there you were with your painted sunset face I eventually gave up on trying to ignore.

You were all the shades, breezes, temperatures and textures that quickly grew to become my favorite heart smeared onto a canvas. 

And I named it "I still love you." 

-a painted heart from one to another 

call me mom

I don't think quite anyone knows how badly I want to be a mom. Holy smokes.

I didn't know how bad I wanted it too until after HS and I'm figuring out my next steps.

Number one goal it to be a mom. With a loving patient husband and 4 little kiddos. Stay at home mom with part time dental hygienist and photographer on side. Creating and inspiring with my words and photographs. 

I know what you're thinking....18.

but I'm just having to laugh. Because that is exactly no doubt what I want. It's the only thing I am sure of  and I've never been more confident in a decision.


I have lots of big dreams I just hope I have the motivation and inspiration that's required to get to them.

the beginning of what feels like an ending

18 sounded like freedom and birth
18 feeling like goodbye and endless changes.
I don't think I've ever felt so lonely or confused or silly or little. Everyone keeps telling me your whole life is right at your fingertips, what I would give to be at your age and choose things differently..

But then I choose something out of the norm, something different and I'm looked at differently.
It doesn't bother me as much as I expected it to truthfully. The words and looks people give me. Sure I feel a bit behind  and inexperienced when I'm with my age group, but I've always wanted to be one who would be the 1% out of the 99%.
                                                         I don't wanna follow the crowd.
None of us know what we're doing, just blindly trying to fit our feet in footprints left behind from others.
And I'm sorry, say what you want and look at me how you may but know I will keep walking but I'm making my own mark. My own path.
I want to inspire people with my bravery, my confidence, my faith.
I want my thoughts to stand out because they are so different from what we hear from the world.

These are the things I want from 18.

Birth of a Jade Diamond Parker and the freedom to be her.